lists are easy.

• It feels quite strange to have posted something so very personal in the last post and to know so many eyes have viewed it. My thoughts on that sort of thing are definitely changing.
  
• A friend recently told me that "it's time to get back to the living"...and she's right. I'm going to need some help.
• I rediscovered Ravel's Bolero today and it's quite magnificent.
• The sound of whining children takes years off of my life.
• I dreamed last night that I shot my college-era boyfriend. I don't know why I had such an awful dream, but I feel terrible about it. We haven't spoken in several months. Is this worthy of a call? And what do I say if I do call? "Hey! I shot you in a dream I had over the weekend. How are ya?" Potential awkwardness, I say.
• Cows in commercials are funny. On my plate, tasty.

Some friends of friends are mourning the loss of their baby tonight. Their sweet daughter was born early and she was so tiny...I'm not sure of specifics. Their lives are forever changed by the birth and death of this sweet child. I can't imagine the depth of their sorrow, but our God is a big God who does understand and provides peace and comfort in the face of even the darkest of days.
Mom and Dad are named Katie and Whit. Lift them up.

realization

It's much too late to save myself from falling.

one less. (but this isn't about the hpv vaccine)

and though you don't believe that they do
they do come true
for did my dreams come true when i looked at you
and maybe too, if you would believe,
you too might be
overjoyed
over love
over me.

and though the odds say improbable
what do they know?
for in romance, won't you let me take a chance?
and maybe with a chance you will find you too, like i,
overjoyed
over love
over you.

the sadness washes over me at the most unexpected times.
while packing my books tonight i was reminded of silly things that make leaving here hard.
you know what, though? staying is hard too. there are so many ghosts here. they are everywhere. in this house. in my little house on phillips street. memories of people who are long gone. times that are long over.
this time of year does it, too. i try to think of other things, other than june. this year has been better than many others, but it shows up when i am sleeping. crazy dreams of makeups and breakups...it makes me mad then it makes me sad. a failure of the most public kind.

a friend of my father's called him the other day to ask how he's doing and he asked to speak with me. he teased me about being single, still. it was all good-natured fun, but it stung a little bit then and it stings a little bit now. i am feeling particularly morose this evening. i have a bajillion things left to pack, yet i sit here, writing this cryptic post, knowing full well that the one person i want to read it, won't. damn.

my heart is heavy right now. heavy for people i know who are carrying burdens much, much heavier than mine. heavy for a husband who is terrified he's going to lose his wife. heavy for a wife who is terrified of her husband's secrets. heavy for a whole host of people carrying burdens all on their own.

i need some help. i bet you do too.

strawberry fields forever

I have just discovered the music of the Beatles. Why? How is this the case? I have no idea. I'm listening to the music of Across the Universe, a film I've not seen, but dang.

It. Is. Fab.

I had a dream about an old friend last night and my Mom was in it too. It was so strange. Some of the details of the dream were from now, some were (clearly) borrowed from a time long gone. I had to do some serious "this is this, that is that" when I woke up, placing things on the correct side of the line separating my dreams from my delusions.

I've got pictures coming...I had my first burn pile this weekend! I've never burned my lawn trash before because, let's face it, I'm a city girl at heart. We don't do that sort of thing in the burbs. We do in the Delph! I'm pleased to report that no structures were harmed the burning of my lawn trash.

There's more, but it'll wait for later. (Isn't there always more? I think so.)