one less. (but this isn't about the hpv vaccine)

and though you don't believe that they do
they do come true
for did my dreams come true when i looked at you
and maybe too, if you would believe,
you too might be
overjoyed
over love
over me.

and though the odds say improbable
what do they know?
for in romance, won't you let me take a chance?
and maybe with a chance you will find you too, like i,
overjoyed
over love
over you.

the sadness washes over me at the most unexpected times.
while packing my books tonight i was reminded of silly things that make leaving here hard.
you know what, though? staying is hard too. there are so many ghosts here. they are everywhere. in this house. in my little house on phillips street. memories of people who are long gone. times that are long over.
this time of year does it, too. i try to think of other things, other than june. this year has been better than many others, but it shows up when i am sleeping. crazy dreams of makeups and breakups...it makes me mad then it makes me sad. a failure of the most public kind.

a friend of my father's called him the other day to ask how he's doing and he asked to speak with me. he teased me about being single, still. it was all good-natured fun, but it stung a little bit then and it stings a little bit now. i am feeling particularly morose this evening. i have a bajillion things left to pack, yet i sit here, writing this cryptic post, knowing full well that the one person i want to read it, won't. damn.

my heart is heavy right now. heavy for people i know who are carrying burdens much, much heavier than mine. heavy for a husband who is terrified he's going to lose his wife. heavy for a wife who is terrified of her husband's secrets. heavy for a whole host of people carrying burdens all on their own.

i need some help. i bet you do too.

QUIT STALKING ME.

let me begin by saying that this is not about me. i realize that. i just seem to be at a vortex of malignancy.

my grandmother has pancreatic cancer. she is dying. there's little doubt that we will see her suffer and die from this disease over the next three or four months.

a former co-worker has cancer. she is currently undergoing chemo. she is in her mid-twenties.

my friend j has cancer. he's got three children and a wife he's crazy about. he saved my life last year. he takes chemo weekly and will for the next year.

i found out today that my best friend from childhood has breast cancer. she found out last week. she has two small boys. i have not been a good friend to her over the last couple of years. since my mom died, especially, i have had so little energy to re-establish friendships and my friendship with her is one that has been woefully neglected.

AN OPEN LETTER TO CANCER:
cancer. you are a jerk. leave my friends and family alone. you are not welcome in our lives. you have rudely taken parents away from children who needed them and taken children away from parents who shouldn't have ever had to bury their babies. you're an evil, selfish, cowardly disease. you lurk without pain, progressing until you're well established. go away. leave my friends and their families and my family alone.